Notes for A Lover’s Ghost: A New CD by Rickey Pittman

Notes on A Lover’s Ghost This is my 3rd CD, produced by Jed Marum at Rockin’ T Audio Ranch and engineered by Travis Ener. The fifteen acoustic songs are all originals. zonnebrillen ray ban goedkoop I know that I appreciate being able to access notes and lyrics to original songs, so I wanted to make these available.

“300 Poems”

I began writing this song in September of 2008. I was booked as a storyteller at the Celtic Fest in Jackson Mississippi, looked up at the beautiful night school with a full moon and the first verse and melody came to me in the magical way that songs sometimes do. I published this song on iTunes in another acoustic version previously as “Mobile Bay.” That first version was produced by Waigne Cryer at Red Lion Studios. I like both versions very much. Verse 1: They say we run from what we fear, Maybe that’s why you’re gone, 300 poems, Too many tears And now the words of this song. CHORUS: Now you’re down in Mobile Bay, A blue moon in the sky, 300 poems, Too many tears, You’re gone, but I don’t know why. Verse 2: The oak trees there, Hold you in their shade, Like the secrets that we’ve shared, I walk the streets, And whisper words, Words I never should have dared. Verse 3: (The producer elected to omit this verse from the CD) A year of poems, A year of love, I gave to you alone. I loved you more Than you’ll ever know, I can’t believe you’re gone.

“Red Ribbon Day: A Song for Kiki”

This is a song I wrote especially for the Red Ribbon Day programs I do in schools. Red Ribbon Day programs typically are scheduled in the third week of October. The programs are designed to call students to make a commitment to live a drug-free life and to honor the memory of Kiki Camarena, a DEA agent who was brutally murdered in 1985 in Guadalajara. Marcus Mariota Titans Jerseys There’s much about him on the Internet, but the best source of Kiki’s story is found in Elaine Shannon’s book, Desperados: Latin Druglords, U.S. Lawmen, and the War America Can’t Win. Verse 1: Today, I heard your story, Ad my eyes were opened wide, And though I never met you. I know how hard you tried. Verse 2: You exposed all the lies, The payoffs and the greed, To bring down los narcos, And for that, they made you bleed. Verse 3: Sometimes in the Valley, A sad dark rooster cries, Teaching us that it matters, How you lived and how you died. Verse 4: Now red ribbons tell your story, And honor your memory, One man can make a difference, I know you did for me. CHORUS: And the wind carries your ashes, To the place where heroes go, From the top of Signal Mountain, To the borders of Old Mexico

“Ghost Train “

The idea for this song came to me as I reflected on some of the very creative, but manic depressive friends I’ve had in my life. Insomnia seemed to be a common characteristic. nike air max Flyknitmęskie Those of you who remember your Periodic Table will know what LI7 represents. Verse 1: Sometimes late at night, Between midnight and dawn I’m on a lonesome highway, And I’m walking it alone. Verse 2: The LI7 Ghost Train, I can hear its whistle at times, I chase it down abandoned tracks, Seeking for a sign. Canotte Phoenix Suns Verse 3: My friends think I’m half crazy, My wife knows I’m insane, Because I stay up late at night, Waiting for that train. Verse 4: I know others travel this road, But I always feel alone. Maybe I’ll see Jimmy here, Though I know he’s dead and gone. Verse 5: I always knew I’d be a hobo, In the dark corners of my mind, Hopping trains and walking, What’s there is what I’ll find.

“Harrison County Bridge’

This song came to me after I read The Covered Bridges of Madison County, a sweet little love story. I wanted to write a Texas version of it, so I researched the covered bridges in Texas and found one that was built on private land in Harrison County, a county where I often work. I thought I’d use that bridge for a central image of the song. You can see a photo of the bridge (it’s on private land) here: http://www.dalejtravis.com/bridge/texas/htm/43102a.htm Verse 1: The Bridge in Harrison County I crossed sometime ago with you, Photographs and a letter, Are all that tell the truth, Of a love I keep inside me, And a woman I can’t forget, A voice inside warns it time to let go, But it’s too late for that I guess. Verse 2: We’ve laid love on the table, It’s time now to walk away, And leave it all behind me, But memories won’t go away, I feel your touch upon me, And I can see your face, I can recall nearly every word, And time and look and place. Verse 3: For myself I don’t feel sorry, I’m glad you came my way, There was magic, there was passion, Special nights and special days, Your brown eyes still haunt me, And fill my dreams at night, I need to see you one more time, And try to make things right. CHORUS: The covered bridge in Harrison County Is burned in my memory, An image of a one-time love, I still need so desperately.

“A Lover’s Ghost”

This is the title song for my new CD. It’s easy to be haunted by the past, by regret, by loss, by our choices, by feeling unappreciated. I wanted to capture that feeling. Verse 1: All those years, you did what you’re supposed to do, As a wife and mother, but no time for you, No one noticed, how hard you tried, There’s no fame or honors, only sadness in your eyes. Air Huarache No one noticed, how much you changed, No one gave a damn that you weren’t the same. basket adidas homme yeezy Ruts, job, and family, just waiting round to die, It’s so hard sometimes, all you do is cry. CHORUS: Caught between the rocks of truth and lies, Between fading dreams, and those clear Texas skies, Hurting those you love or the one who loved you most. Caught between life and a lover’s ghost. Verse 2: At least there’s memories, of a love that was true, He the only one, who knew the real you. You close your eyes and feel his kiss again, But when they open, what you see is not him. You try to remember, that this life is what you chose, But you still look for him, everywhere you go. It’s hard sometimes to say what you miss the most, When you’re caught between life and a lover’s ghost. CHORUS: Caught between where you’ve been and where you are, Between holding back, or going much too far, Hurting those you love or the one who loved you most. Caught between life and a lover’s ghost.

“1993”

This song was inspired by a very good friend of mine who had a hard year. Verse 1: Well, I thought that I had made it through all the hard times, I thought the worst was over and that everything was fine, I never ever thought that this could happen to me, But the roof fell in, back in 93. I didn’t think lightning could hit me twice, I chose to ignore a good friend’s advice, I never really thought that she’d ever leave, But that’s what happened in 93. CHORUS: 1993, What she did to me, 1993, The year that finally broke my heart, Verse 2: I fell in love with a girl in Mexico, I should have known better, but I just had to go, I booked us a room in a Holiday Inn, Things were fine till her daddy barged in. You might say things didn’t go so well, I ended up in a Mexican jail, It took a lot of money but they let me go, And I got myself out of Mexico. Verse 3: Well, this storm blew in and it wrecked my life, The rain kept a pourin’ on me every night, I still hear her words, “Well, you’re finally free, So enjoy yourself in 1993. Well, a bad year’s comin’ but it won’t be the first, I really doubt that anything could make things worse, I’ve done some thinking and I finally see, That the worse year of all was 1993.

“Jessie’s Heart”

This song was inspired by two women, my mother, Jessie Fae Pittman, who really was born in Karma, Oklahoma, a town along the Red River that ironically was washed away by a flood, and by a writing friend in Austin. Verse 1: Jessie was born in Karma, A town along the Red, Washed away by a flood, At least, that’s what folks said, Her father left them, Slipped into the dark, He never called to ask, What was in his Jessie’s heart. Verse 2: Jessie moved to Austin When she was just eighteen, There she started writing, Building on her dreams, Alone but not lonely, Determined to make her mark, But she never let anyone, Look into Jessie’s heart. Verse 3: She stands before the camera, Her smile makes her glow, But she’s more than what’s standing there, There’s much that doesn’t show She writes the stories Elegant is her art, And I’d give anything, Just to look into Jessie’s heart. Verse 4: I met her in Austin, At a coffee shop I knew, She read some poetry, I sang a song or two, We left together, But she slipped off in the dark, Now I’ll never know, What was in Jessie’s heart. CHORUS: Jessie’s heart may be lonely Jessie’s heart may be cold Jessie’s heart may be broken But it’s one thing you’ll never know.

“A Song for Johnny’

I wrote this song in memory and in honor of Johnny. I never knew his last name. He was Hispanic, and he was hired by the Pittman family to take care of my grandfather in his last months, when we knew he was dying. A hospice worker of a sort, I guess, who lived with them. Their house was just outside Rochester, Texas, in a part of the country known as the Texas Badlands. The water there tasted like sulfur. I liked Johnny and got to know him well. I still remember vividly his telling me how his mother made tortillas. My cousin Sammy didn’t like him and was very vocal about it. In West Texas a prejudice exists among some that is directed against Hispanics. It is a prejudice that is equal to the prejudice against blacks in the South. One night my mother called me and told me about Johnny’s suicide. Grandmother had told her what she knew. Maglie Atlanta Hawks He killed himself with a shotgun outside at my grandparents’ storm cellar. He had left a suicide note. The event traumatized my grandmother, but my grandfather barely understood. My grandfather was so inward and withdrawn at that point, that I don’t know that he even missed Johnny, but I did. The grief we all felt was too deep to be forgotten, so I wrote this song. Verse 1 Johnny was born in Texas, But his folks came from Mexico, They settled close to Haskell, And swore they’d never go. They drank the Badland water, And worked a Badland farm, They’d gather at their table, And sing this arm in arm. CHORUS: We’ll always have each other, We’ll never say goodbye We’ll always be a family, And I’ll never make you cry. Verse 2: Johnny worked the oilfields And was the toughest boy in town. He spent time in the Army, Then tried to settle down, One night he met Maria, She became his everything, She promised that they’d marry, And that every night they’d sing. Verse 3: But things seldom work out The way we want them too. Maria moved to Dallas, And Maria was untrue, She said she loved another, And could not be his wife. Johnny’s demons found him, And one night he took his life. Verse 4: On moonlight nights in Texas Between coyote songs I think of how we miss him, His death just seems so wrong, I think about the friend he was, And the friend I could have been, When I visit with his family, We sing this song for him.

“Biscuits & Blues”

I started this song on a night when I was performing in Natchez, Mississippi for the Scottish Society here. Asics Gel Noosa damskie I had just heard the story of the Biscuits and Blues restaurant owner who had returned to Natchez. This was also the night when they turned on the lights on the bridge connecting Vidalia, Louisiana to Natchez. The crowds for this event were huge and the imagery so rich I just had to write a song about Natchez. Verse 1: New York was always too busy, In L.A. I couldn’t breathe, San Francisco was a little too weird, Even for a boy like me. I always dreamed of Mississippi, Couldn’t shake that part of me, I kept looking for a way to come back, I’d seen all I wanted to see. CHORUS: I wanted biscuits and blues in the morning, Walking hand in hand with you, I need a forever love, I’ll give you a heart that’s true, Now it’s biscuits and blues in the morning, And singing the blues at night, Blue moon in that Natchez sky, Tells me we’ll be alright. Verse 2: They turned on the lights this evening, On that Mississippi bridge, We saw it from under the hill, Then from the cemetery ridge. I could see the streets of Vidalia, And the bluffs above the town Hot air balloons anchored and waiting For the dawn to come around. Verse 3: Some come to look for ghosts, Others for the history, Artists pushed here by hurricanes, Writers for the mysteries. I remember Angels on the Bluff, A bright night much like this, We were walking by the Turning Angel, Who turned her head when we kissed.

“6th Street Blues”

I’ve had occasion to visit Austin a few times in my life, and I’ve always enjoyed the music there. I wrote this song based on a couple of musicians I knew of who were blues musicians there. Verse 1: I’ll tell you a story, About a man you might know, lost in the city, And lost in the cold. Hangover misery From the whiskey and gin, Leftover heartbreaks and memories of sins. He said, Blues, please don’t leave me, I can’t be alone tonight. Blues, please don’t leave me, Stay until the morning light. Verse 2: He once met a woman Out late one night, 6th Street in Austin, In dim neon lights. Heart-aching lonely Sad music, did he play, She pulled him closer And this is what she said. Please, please don’t leave me, I can’t be alone tonight. Please, please don’t leave me, Stay until the morning light. Verse 3: He might be a legend, He might be a ghost. He might be homeless, But he’s paid the blues the most. He’ll wake in some alley, Behind some dark bar (clutching his guitar?) With too many memories, And too many scars. And he’ll sing, Blues, please don’t leave me, I can’t be alone tonight. Blues, please don’t leave me, Stay until the morning light. “Magic Moon of Laredo” The first time I played in Laredo, I stayed downtown at the La Posado hotel. In the bar I met a couple of engineers who frequently came to Laredo. They took me on a late-night tour of Laredo’s nightlife. The next morning I started on this song. Verse 1: She was sitting in the restaurant with eyes so blue And a smile that cracked my heart. I was playing my guitar in the town of Laredo, Trying to make a new start, Patricia, don’t you think if we had the time, You might want me too, Patricia, you might think I’m crazy, But I think I could fall for you, They say there’s magic in the moon of Laredo, And I believe it’s true, But the greatest magic I ever felt, Was when I first looked at you. Verse 2: We walked downtown through the streets of Laredo, And danced until nearly dawn. We kissed outside your hotel room, And then I moved along, Patricia, don’t you think if we had the time, We might kiss some more, Patricia, put your arms around me now, And heal this heart so sore, They say there’s magic in the moon of Laredo, And I believe it’s true, But the greatest magic I ever felt, Was when I first looked at you. Verse 3: I returned to Louisiana And you to Austin town, I’m still playing in restaurants, But now you’re not around Patricia, if things were different, We might be together now, Patricia, you might think I’m crazy, But I think it would work out somehow, They say there’s magic in the moon of Laredo, And I believe it’s true, But the greatest magic I ever felt, Was when I first looked at you.

“Love’s Always in Color’

I was in a hotel somewhere in Texas when I started on this song. ffxiv gil for sale Reflecting on how important photographs are to the memory and the heart, I wrote this song. This was the producer’s favorite song in this collection and we almost made it the title song. It’s a long song, so we had to shorten it for the CD by omitting one of the verses. Verse 1: Every night I look at your picture, Every night I sing you a song, Every night I kiss your memory, It seems to move the night along, They say a picture’s worth at least a thousand words A picture holds the truth, even if it’s blurred, So tonight I hold your picture And sing this song you’ve never heard. Verse 2: I think love’s always in color, Seldom in black and white, Capturing secrets of our secrets, Clear in day but fading at night, There’s two people in every photo, They say the camera never lies, This photo reminds me of our story And how I loved those sad green eyes. Verse 3: I guess we frame all our memories Like photos behind fragile glass, Then we hang them on our heart-walls, Hoping that they’ll always last, This photo may one day be faded, May be torn or may be tossed But it’s how I’ll always remember, The green-eyed girl that I lost. Verse 4: This picture was developed In the darkroom of our hearts, A mirror of our memory, Life and love divided into parts, It was a time when we were happy It was a time when we had souls, And it’s how I’ll always remember, The green-eyed girl that I loved so. Verse 5: This photo captured you forever, A portrait painted by the sun, Layers of the past and present, Before it all came undone, All I have now is this picture, Just this moment from long ago, But that’s how I’ll always remember, The green-eyed girl that I loved so.

“Don’t Drink the Water”

During my first visit to Rio Grande City, I performed at a school. When I commented on how much I liked that part of Texas, Liz Perez, the school librarian, said, “Well, don’t drink the water, or you’ll never leave.” That gave me the key line I needed to write this song. Verse 1: Don’t drink the water Of the Rio Grande Don’t look for treasure In this hot desert sand Don’t drink the water Or you’ll never leave, Don’t drink the water, Don’t be a fool like me. Verse 2: Poncho Villa And Juan Cortina too Drank from this river, As they were passing through. It made them crazy, It made them mean, Their ghosts still ride this valley Like shadows in a dream. Verse 3: Don’t kiss the lips Of that brown-eyed girl, Don’t give your heart to her Don’t give her gold and pearls, If you think you love her, You ain’t gonna leave, Don’t drink that water, son, Let that woman be. Verse 4: La Llarona Walks the river late at night Crying out so sad In her gown of white If you see her, You better run and pray, Don’t drink that water, son, She’ll steal your soul away.

“Don Bernado Guitérrez de Lara’

  by José Antonio López and Rickey Pittman At a book festival in Laredo, I met Mr. Lopez. He shared with me his book, The Last Knight The Story of Don Bernardo Gutierrez de Lara Uribe (1774-1841), a Texas Hero. I decided I had to write a song about this little known Texas hero. I used parts of a poem Mr. Lopez had written, so I’ve listed him as a co-writer of the song. Verse 1: A priest made a proclamation In September 1810 That Creoles and mestizos Were as good as other men. That Spanish-conquered Indians, The slaves and common men, Had rights equal to Highborn Spanish men. Verse 2: Don Bernado answered the grito, And volunteered for the fight, To help the priest and his peasants, Obtain their needed rights. They made him ambassador, And to Washington he was sent, To obtain weapons and soldiers, From America’s President. Verse 3: The priest’s army was defeated The leaders all were lost, Don Bernado vowed to carry on, No matter what the cost. He and 14 others Left the Rio Grande, The Spanish hunted them down Deep in Louisianne. Verse 4: He left his wounded in New Orleans, And pushed on in his quest, Reached Washington in December, In need of food and rest. The first cowboy in Washington, A vaquero from the West, He caused quite a stir In chaps and boots and vest. Verse 5: Blessed by the President He raised an army of men, To fight for independence And return to Texas with him. August McGee was named commander, Under a flag of emerald green. His Tejanos fought with Jackson, In the battle of New Orleans. Verse 6: He signed our first declaration, The first Constitution too, The first President of Texas, His heart was bold and true. A soldier and a leader, To Spain, a dangerous man, His exploits and his enemies grew, As he carried out his plans. New Balance 993 damskie CHORUS: The seventh flag of Texas, Was a banner of emerald green, The spark that lit our liberty, Came from Don Bernardo’s dream! A flag of self-rule A beacon of our rights, A symbol of Texas beginning, Came from this Revilla knight.

“Welcome Home, My Son”

Our veterans are close to my heart. I’ve frequently performed music for Memorial Day Veterans Day events as well as for veterans homes and the Blue Star Mothers. I was coming out of Shreveport on the road to Arkansas one afternoon when I passed the driveway that I describe in my song. This is one of those songs that almost wrote itself. The song was also inspired by a book I read, entitled 400 Days, by Mitchell Waite. Verse 1: My tour in Iraq was over, And at last I was going home, The sun was setting to my left, As I drove on alone I came to my parents’ house, On highway 71 A sign stood by the driveway, Saying, Welcome home our son. Verse 2: Balloons and American flags, Danced in the Southern air, Yellow ribbons were tied to trees And to the mailbox there. My dad met me at the door Grinning big as you please, Mama started crying The moment she saw me, Verse 3: After supper we took pictures, And talked till it was late, But we didn’t talk about the war, Or mistakes we all had made I lay down on an old iron bed, That I’d slept in as a child In days when life was simpler And I roamed free and wild Verse 4: I heard a lonely whippoorwill Coyotes and Bob Whites But no rockets or rifle fire, Troubled me this night.

Peter Matthiessen’s Killing Mister Watson

I once lived in South Florida (Naples) for two years. I loved that area, and sometimes I wish I had never left it. cheap albion silver I remember the lush vegetation, an almost indescribable beauty, the fantastic hunting and fishing, and my first taste of snook–which has to be the best tasting fish I’ve ever eaten. nike air max 2017 goedkoop My life mingled with new friends, with migrants and Cubans and Seminoles, and the overwhelming presence of the Everglades. Last January, Jed Marum and I toured with our music and stories to Okeechobee, Florida for the Second Seminole War event/reenactment there.

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  • cheap albion gold On the way back at the Tallahassee state museum, I picked up a CD of songs and interviews on the Everglades. buy albion gold One track was an interview with Peter Matthiessen about his book, Killing Mister Watson. I was intrigued, so of course I ordered the book, read it, and now want to give you a few of my thoughts on that reading. buy albion gold In the novel’s dedication to the pioneer families of Southwest Florida, Matthiessen says his research took six years. He tells the story of Edgar J. albion silver Watson, one of those early pioneers in that wild and lawless region. It is a harsh, hard world those early pioneers lived in and Matthiessen causes the reader to experience it. cheap albion gold This is an enriching study of human nature, a study of nature itself, and a historical study of the Florida coast. I found myself constantly looking up the plants, animals, and people alluded to. But it all centers on the Mister Watson. Was he the monster some said murdered up to fifty people? Or is the myth and legend of this mysterious and at times charismatic man total exaggeration? Was he also a victim? Whatever we conclude, we must admit that his influence was pervasive and troubling. Maglie Detroit Pistons Here’s a quote that illustrates: “It wasn’t Mister Watson’s manners won me over, though Lord Knows manners was scarce in this rough section It was the way he carried himself, kept a little apart. albion gold What that man understood so well–he explained this to me–you had to keep a sharp eye on your life. Canotte Cleveland Cavaliers buy albion silver One careless mistake and a life unraveled, Mister Watson said, and there weren’t no way in hell–Forgive me ma’am!–to mend it back” (217). There’s a good deal of this “unraveling” of people’s lives in the novel and in the end, it’s Watson himself who learns the hard truth of his own statement. Matthiessen writes, as Time Magazine said, a novel with a “moral anguish” that the reader cannot escape. Jordan Reed Redskins Jerseys The next time I’m in South Florida, I intend to find Watson’s grave and Chokoloskee Island. Maglie Atlanta Hawks Here’s the Works Cited entry for this novel: Matthiessen, Peter.

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  • Killing Mister Watson.

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  • New York: Vintage, 1991.

    “Bobby, Baby” by Lera Lynn–Lyrics & Chords

    In my recent travels and listening to satellite radio, T.J. Yeldon College Jerseys I heard Prairie Home Companion and one of the performers featured was new to me–a folksinger by the name of Lera Lynn. nike pas chers She did a song called “Bobby, New Balance 1400 damskie Baby” that really caught my attention. Maglia David Robinson You can hear the song here on the Prairie Home Companion site (for the 5/12/2012 show) . I decided to post the lyrics and words for this song in this blog entry. Let me know if I transcribed any of the words incorrectly and I’ll change them. Lera is definitely a songwriter and performer that has my attention. Bobby, Nike Air Max 2016 Heren Baby Capo 2nd Fret Em Verse 1: There’s a bump on the hill, where your body lies D There’s a stone in the ground, reads “this man did try” Em If you look to the east, you see your estate D Weathered and hollowed out by your mistakes CHORUS: Em G Oh Bobby, baby, we all know the truth D Em You were looking for love in all the bad that you’d do G Bobby, baby,

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  • we all know the deal D Em Your row was hard and long and straight up a hill Am Em Am Em Your mother was gone, New Balance 515 hombre your daddy did wrong Am Em D Your brother died by his own hand Am Em Am Em Your wife tried so long, but you she disowned Am Em D Em Your daughter was lost with your land, Greyson Lambert Jerseys with your land Verse 2: Every once in awhile, I still can see Your blue eyes searching a way to be free And I go to your grave,

    Days of the Dead: A short story by Rickey E. Pittman

    To help my readers get into the Halloween spirit, I wanted to share this short story I wrote entitled, “The Days of the Dead.” If you’ll email me at rickeyp@bayou.com and sign up for my free eZine, I’ll send you a free ebook version of the story.

    “Days of the Dead” by Rickey E. Pittman

    Tell me how you die and I’ll tell you who you are.—Octavio Paz

    October 1999

    Outside the Huntsville State Penitentiary, I waited for the bus. Glancing at the razor wire fence, I wondered what I had lost inside. Four years ago a drunk at a Halloween party decided he wanted to fight. I won the scrap, but nearly killed the man in the process, so Texas charged me with vicious assault and sent me to Huntsville, which in turn viciously assaulted me. I shook my head, willing the nightmares to vanish, but they clung—web-like, dirty. Two other released inmates stood with me—Vic, a Mexican who had befriended me early in my sentence and another Mexican I didn’t know. When the bus arrived, the stranger hurried toward the open door, bumping me. “Lo siento,” he said. “You just naturally clumsy, bean-eater, or do you work at it?” I said. He wagged his finger. “Ah, the crazy one. Always angry and starting fights he can not win.” Vic stepped between us and placed his hand on my shoulder. “He is right, Justin. No trouble today, okay? We all leave Huntsville and go home.” He patted me on the shoulder and nudged me toward the bus. I gritted my teeth and stepped inside, sharing a seat with Vic. cheap albion silver He grinned. “Is good to not be prisoner now, eh, Justin? But you do not seem happy.” “It doesn’t seem real yet. My head’s still inside.” He shifted his eyes toward the prison. “Who is to say when freedom is real? What will you do in Dallas?” “I’m going to stay with my parents for a while. Let my head clear, find a job if I can. All that shit.” As the bus moved out onto the highway, he stared at the fallow fields and pastures. “I too go to Dallas. In time to celebrate Los Dias de Los Muertos with my family.” “What is this Days of the Dead?” “I’m happy you remember the Spanish I taught you. It is a festival which begins the last day of this month.” He held up three fingers. “For three days we honor death and the dead ones.” “Happy Halloween,” I said. “No, it is not the same.” I leaned my head against the window and closed my eyes while Vic rattled on about the Days of the Dead. As I drifted into sleep, I heard him singing softly of bandits and white scorpions in the mountains of Durango.

    * * *

    I paused outside the white frame house of my childhood on Lanoue Street, studying the chain link fence veiled with honeysuckle vines, the gardenia bushes, the concrete porch with its chipped edge. I looked up at the belly of a 747 on its roaring descent into Love Field. Shaking off the sensory overload, I walked inside. My father sat in his Lazy Boy, staring at the television. Mother was wiping off the dining room table. When she saw me, a choking sound came out of her mouth as she tried to say my name. She pressed the dishtowel against her mouth as if she wanted to keep something inside, then she hurried over and embraced me. “You’re home at last!” she said, rubbing fiercely at the tears on her cheek. “Justin, Oh, Justin!” My father rose slowly from his chair, shuffled over and wrapped his strong arms around us. The sound of their weeping tore my guts out. “Hey,” I said. “It’s alright. You knew I’d make it out okay.” I glanced around the room. “Where’s Jimmy and Shelby? I thought you said they’d be here.” They wailed louder. It was an hour before they had the control to tell me what had happened. The next day I booked a flight to Guadalajara.

    * * *

    On Highway 15 outside of Culiacán, the bus stopped at a ranch and discharged three passengers—men speaking an Indian dialect and wearing cowboy hats, serapes, cotton pants, and huarache sandals. As I watched them walk toward the ranch house, I heard several bursts from an automatic rifle. The man next to me was reading a Guadalajara bilingual newspaper. He didn’t seem to notice the loud gunfire. “Who is firing the machine gun?” I asked. He glanced up from his paper. “Los narcos,” he said, and with his lips he made like he spat. He glanced at the copy of Fodor’s Mexico in my lap. “You are American? You are sightseeing?” “I’m going to Culiacán,” I said. “Culiacán is my city. We do not often see Americanos. Except for our eighteenth century cathedral, there is little that tourists want to see. Why do you travel there?” “I’m going to ship the bodies of my brother and his fiancée back to the states. They were murdered there last week.” He nodded. “I am sorry for your loss,” he said, then lit a cigarette and lost himself in the newspaper. At the bus station in Culiacán, I took a cab to the home of Rafael Gonzales, a reporter for Noroeste, Culiacán’s newspaper. The American consulate in Guadalajara knew Rafael personally and had persuaded him to help me transport Shelby and Jimmy back to the states. Stepping out of the cab, I followed a trail of yellow marigold petals strewn from the road to the scrolled-iron gate in front of the modest stucco house. The wrought iron fence on either side of the gate was connected to high concrete block walls marking the property line. Above the wall to my left, I saw the blackened windows of a neighbor’s two-story house. I rattled the gate and called out, “Señor Rafael Gonzales, por favor!” The dark oak door of the house opened, and a man stepped out. He scanned the street both directions before he looked at me. “Señor Rafael Gonzalez?” I asked. “Yes.” “I’m Justin.” “Ah, yes. Please, come inside. You are welcome here.” I opened the gate and walked through the concrete front yard toward the porch. The yard was carefully landscaped with benches and pots and raised beds in which were planted gardenias, poinsettias, orange and avocado trees. Rafael shook my hand and motioned me inside. “I trust your trip was without incident?” he said. “It’s not like being on an American bus, but at least it didn’t break down. albion gold I heard Mexican busses are bad to do that.” He laughed. “Sometimes our busses deserve their reputation.” He led me by the arm to the sala, the family living room, where several family members stood on the tessellated tile floor. “Justin, allow me to present my family. My wife, Veronica; my son, Miguel; my daughter. buy albion gold Raquel; my mother, SeñoraGonzales; and my wife’s brother, Earnesto.” “Con mucho gusto,” I said. The adults smiled, and the two children, both in their early teens, giggled—I guessed because of my accent. Vic had taught me functional Spanish in Huntsville, but learning Spanish from that Tex-Mex is a lot like learning English from a redneck. “It is our pleasure, sir,” Miguel said in perfect English. Rafael placed his hand on my shoulder. “This is Justin. The occasion that brings him our way is unfortunate, but he will be our guest this week. Justin, let us sit and talk a moment.” We moved to a red velvet sofa in front of the fireplace. Rafael’s wife, mother, and daughter excused themselves and withdrew into the kitchen. Miguel retired to his room, and Earnesto, who wore a police uniform, sat in a chair in front of a desk cleaning a small pistol. When Rafael looked at him, he sighed, rolled his eyes, nodded, and slipped the pistol into a desk drawer. Next to the desk, a small rectangular table had been converted into an altar. On the white tablecloth sat three framed photographs surrounded by flowers, burning candles, candy skulls, chocolate skeletons and miniature maraipan coffins, a pack of cigarettes, a glass of water, a bottle of tequila, and an oval loaf of sweet bread. “The ofrenda is beautiful, is it not?” Rafael asked. “Yes. The first such altar I’ve seen.” “Ah, come and take a closer look.” We rose and walked to the altar. “Justin, have you ever celebrated Los Dias de los Muertos?” “No,” I said. “But a friend of mine told me a little about it. In America, this time of year we observe Halloween.” “Our feast has none of the terror Americans like to attach to Halloween. We use the time to reflect on those who have died, and we seek to come to terms with our own certain death.” One by one, he lightly touched each photograph. “My father, my wife’s mother. The little one is my sister who died when she was very young. Now she is one of the angelitos. Every year, I tell my children about them, things they did not know before—their favorite foods, jokes they played on others, things they said, how they died. It is important to remember the dead. My father often said the dead die only when they die in our hearts.” Rafael picked up the photo of his father. “My father was a journalist as I am. He was assassinated in Mexico City. Journalism in Mexico can be a very dangerous occupation. But he believed that one courageous soul could make a difference. Do you think one man can make a difference, Justin?” “I don’t know. I’d like to think so,” I said, looking at Rafael. buy albion silver His face was young, but his dark eyes were the weary eyes of an old man, like the eyes of the hard priest in Texas who had known me in confession all my life. A painting of a skeletal lady wearing a plumed hat was hung above the fireplace. I pointed to it. “Who is she?” I asked. “Not another relative I hope.” Rafael laughed. “She is death, La Katarina, the beautiful lady of our feast. She visits each of us when it is time to die—sometimes violently, sometimes she comes as softly as a whisper. My son has written many calaveras, many poems and songs about La Katarina. Would you like to hear one?” “Sure.” “Miguel, ben aqui,” he called out. His son ran to us from his room, a calacas in his hands. He raised the skeleton and pulled a string that caused it to smile and flap its arms and legs as if it were dancing. “Sing us the song you wrote for the holiday,” Rafael said. “¿En Español o Inglés?” Miguel said. “Inglés.” Miguel closed his eyes and sang out: I danced with death and did not know her, And the out-of-tune violin Played on through the night To a song that had no end. And as we danced, I wondered, When would the music end? She said, “This dance will last until You fall, like other dying men.” She had soft hands and a pretty face, She whispered secrets in my ear, Her eyes looked deep inside my heart, And she shed a single tear. A warm embrace she gave me, And the world began to spin, Her fingers reached for my hand, The fate of dying men. When we applauded, Miguel bowed. “You’ve got a talented boy,” I said. Rafael lifted the boy’s chin and smiled affectionately. “Yes, we are very proud.” “Papa, may I turn on the radio?” Miguel asked. “Yes, but not too loud.” Miguel ran to the stereo and turned it on. He talked to the calacas, whose bony arms and legs danced wildly to the beat of the music as he pulled the strings. cheap albion gold “I saw some kids playing with those skeleton toys at the airport,” I said. “The toys entertain, but they also teach. In Mexico, we want a child’s first acquaintance with death to be a cheerful one.” “I try not to think about death.” “Ah, but she thinks of you,” he said. Rafael’s wife and daughter returned to the sala with a tray of coffee, Coca-Colas, and cookies. Earnesto left his corner chair and joined us in front of the fireplace for the evening merienda. “I am sorry for the loss of your brother and his fiancée,” Rafael said. “¡Que en paz descansen! Es muy triste, very sad. It must be a great burden to bear, and attending to the details of death requires more strength than many have.” “I’ve got the strength,” I said. I tapped my fingers on the sofa arm to the beat of a song on the radio. Rafael placed his hand on top of mine and pressed my fingers down so that they ceased their tapping. “When your Spanish has improved, you will not enjoy this song. It’s called, ‘La Piñata,’ a corrido, a ballad about a drug lord’s party where bags of cocaine were stuffed into a piñata. A song about a man very much like the man who murdered your brother.” “You know who killed Jimmy?” “Yes. Would you like to know?” “Yes, I would.” “Veronica, bring me my briefcase.” Rafael leaned back on the sofa. “He is a drug dealer. Unfortunately, in the minds of many, the drug lords are like your famous Robin Hood. They throw people money because they love to be seen as generous benefactors who help the poor. Across from the capitol is a shrine devoted to Jesus Malverde, a narco who came from this area. On the same street is a chapel dedicated to his memory. Throughout Mexico we have monuments and songs dedicated to lawless men who steal girls from the poor barrios and kill anyone who asks too many questions or who tries to stop them. Once the Mariachis sang of love, the family, love of our land. Now . . . things are very different.” Veronica brought Rafael a leather attaché. He opened it and searched through the papers until he found a photograph. “This is the man—Roberto Cruz de la Cruz.” I took the photo and held it in my palm. Earnesto leaned over to take a look, raised his eyebrows, and shook his head. “He’s smiling,” I said. “A man who kills people I love and smiles.” “He believes he has much to smile about. Not long ago, he was just a local thug. Now, he is the leader of his own organization. And his status and brutality grows every week. Did the consulate tell you the circumstances of their death, how he killed them?” “No, I don’t know any details.” “Earnesto showed me a copy of the police report. Your brother entered a cantina which Cruz de la Cruz frequents every evening. Your brother spoke Spanish very well, so Cruz de la Cruz assumed that he was with the DEA. De la Cruz and his men took them to a hotel room where they were raped, beaten, and tortured with ice picks. The police found the girl nude, on the floor with her back against the bed. Her arms were stretched out and nailed to the posts of the headboard. Your brother’s face was stuffed into the toilet.” The images knotted up my insides. “What cantina did they go to?” “A small one near the plaza.” “What are the police going to do?” He glanced at Earnesto. “What the authorities usually do here when los narcos commit a crime—nothing.” “Con permiso,” Earnesto said. He stood, snatched a Coke from the tray, and walked outside to the patio. “Did he understand us?” I asked. “He does not speak English, but he recognized Crus de la Cruz’s photograph, so he knew what we spoke about.” Veronica came to Rafael and placed her hand on his shoulder. “It is time to go to the cemetery,” she said. Rafael took her hand and kissed it. “Of course. The time had escaped me. Come walk with us to the cemetery, Justin.” I followed the Gonzales household outside. Many other families were on the streets, walking and laughing together. Fireworks filled the sky. A parade of singing, costumed people passed us, led by a skeleton with a violin. Following him were skeletal grooms arm in arm with ghoulish brides, ghosts, mummies, and four men carrying a coffin containing a smiling corpse to whom people tossed oranges, flowers, and candy. Mummers followed the coffin, wildly shouting and running about in pursuit of the stubborn dead souls attending the feast. In the cemetery, families gathered around altars constructed near the graves of ancestors and loved ones. Almost every grave was elaborately decorated with colored paper and arches of flowers. In the flickering light of thousands of candles, the cemetery seemed alive, and the heady aroma of the flowers mingled with the distinctive fragrance of copal incense. A priest moved from tomb to tomb praying for the souls of the departed. When we reached the freshly repainted tombs of Rafael’s father and sister, Earnesto lit several candles and votives and placed them on the vaults. With an arm around each child, Rafael told us stories about his father and sister while Veronica laid out a mole dish and tamales. After we ate, Rafael opened a bottle of tequila and he poured each adult a generous portion and we toasted the dead. Several toasts and stories later, the bottle of tequila was empty. A mariachi band made its way through the cemetery playing the favorite songs of the deceased. When they reached Rafael’s family, he requested a tune, tipped them, and they began a ballad. The song was slow, waltz-like, with a sad tone. Rafael danced with his wife, Earnesto with Rafael’s mother, and Miguel danced with his sister. I watched for a few minutes, then strolled alone through the cemetery. Stopping for a moment to listen to another mariachi band, I felt a soft hand on my arm. I turned and looked into the black-pearl eyes of a beautiful young woman. She wore a white cotton dress and her long dark hair was pulled tightly back. She slid her hand from my arm into my hand. “Baila conmigo.” “Con mucho gusto. I would love to dance,” I said and placed my hand on her waist. When I took uncertain steps to the music, she took the lead, gracefully swirling me about. “You have sadness in your eyes,” she said. Her English surprised me. I didn’t know exactly what to say or how to say it, so I only nodded. “Things will be okay,” she said. “What do you call yourself?” “Justin. And you, what is your name?” “Catrina,” she said. “Is this not beautiful—the lights, the flowers, the families? I am sure the angelitos are happy.” When the song ended, we applauded the band and she embraced me. “Thank you for the dance,” she whispered in my ear. “Vas a verme una vez mas.” I watched the mariachis stroll on to the next family, and when I turned to talk to the girl, she was gone. I walked back to my friends. Rafael stood behind Veronica with his arms around her waist. “My new friend,” he said. “Did you have a pleasant walk?” “Yeah, I did. I met a girl and we danced. She was a beauty, too.” “Where is she?” “I don’t know, but she said she’d see me again.”

    * * *

    AT dawn, we returned to Rafael’s home. I fell into bed, my head buzzing from tequila. A tapping noise woke me later that morning. I sat up in my bed and watched two hummingbirds hover near the window. I put on the robe and rubber flip-flops Vernoica had laid out for me, pulled a towel from my suitcase, and walked to the shower stall in the small open-air wash area. After I showered and dressed, I joined Rafael and his family on the patio for a breakfast of eggs, fried potatoes, corn tortillas, beans, and coffee. After breakfast, Rafael drove me to the police station where I presented the transit permit and consulate letter. At the funeral home, I obtained the death certificates, proof of embalming, and letters of no contagious disease that I would need at the airport. Rafael and I followed the funeral director’s hearse to the airport, and there I presented my papers and signed another mountain of forms. The sealed steel crates holding Jimmy’s and Shelby’s bodies were loaded onto a plane, and then Rafael drove us to his office. After he had parked, he glanced at his watch. “I have an important deadline, so I must do some work in my office. You do not need to wait for me. You may take my car if you wish.” “No thank you. I’ll just walk around town for a while. I’ll take a cab to your home later.” I left Rafael and strolled through Culiacán. At the plaza, I sat on a bench in the shade. Monarch butterflies covered many of the trees around me, and it seemed as if the limbs were full of orange flowers. Occasionally, the wind or noise would stir them and they rose above the plaza in clouds of color. I watched the families and young people of Culiacán as they strolled around the plaza. Across the street, I could see the cantina where Jimmy and Shelby had eaten their last meal. A pair of young girls passed my bench and I saw they had each other’s names embroidered on their jackets. When two boys flirted with them, the girls hissed. Laughing, the boys sat down on my bench. They were eating jalapeño Popsicles. “Hello. You are American?” one asked. “Yes. I’m from Dallas, Texas.” “Dallas? It is good. You are wealthy American like J.R.?” “No.” When a young girl and her mother walked by, the boys called out, “Oye, Suegra!” The girl ignored them, but her mother turned and smiled. “Is she your mother-in-law?” I asked one of the boys. “No, no. It is a compliment, a way of saying I would like for her to be my mother-in-law. Do you have a novia, a girlfriend?” “I did meet a girl at the festival last night. I liked her very much, but I haven’t seen her today.” “Perhaps you will see her soon,” he said. A small orange cloud hovered above us. I held out my arm and two butterflies lit on my hand. “Ay!” one of the boys said. “¡Como estraño! We think of the butterflies as the returning souls of the dead. Two in the spirit world must be thinking of you.” “Yeah. And I think of them too.” I lifted my arm and the butterflies floated into the sky. I rose and joined the crowd’s plaza perambulations, walking for nearly an hour, hoping to see Catrina again. I thought of her soft hands on my arm, the warmth of her breasts pressed against me while we danced. At sunset, I walked toward the capitol. I came upon the Jesus Malverde shrine housed in a large blue metal shed. Inside, there was a gift shop with a large showcase of silver belt buckles, necklaces, key chains, and bottle openers—all bearing Malverde’s image. Polaroids and handwritten notes of thanks for miracles were taped to the walls. One glass case, with a flickering candle on its top, contained a tiny pair of crutches and a cast of a child’s leg. A handwritten note indicated these items had been donated by a family in Stockton, California. In a corner, a man knelt praying. In front of him lay a baggie of hair and a set of false teeth. I heard him thank Malverde for helping him and his brother survive a San Quentin prison term. At the door, I read the inscription on a plaque. It had been donated by Roberto Cruz de la Cruz. As I walked away from the shrine, my anger toward Cruz de la Cruz grew. I remembered a time when a Bachman Lake bully jumped my brother outside a bowling alley in Dallas. I came on him as he was kicking in my brother’s ribs. Picking up a two-by-four, I stove his head in. I lifted my brother from the ground and used my T-shirt to wipe the blood from his face. albion silver “No one will ever hurt you and get away with it,” I promised him. I had seen men like de la Cruz in Huntsville. Men with no conscience, no insides. Bullies. Men who thought they were invincible. I also saw a few of these bullies who learned they could bleed and die just like the men they victimized and intimidated. “No one, ever,” I said to myself. When I neared the plaza, I flagged a cab and returned to Rafael’s house. I directed the driver to wait for me. Inside, I found Rafael’s family eating supper on the patio. “Justin, I was worried. Come join us for supper,” Rafael said. “No thanks. I’ve already eaten, and I’ve got a cab outside. I’ve got to go back to town.” “He’s probably going to meet a girl,” Miguel said. On my way out, I passed through the sala, opened the desk drawer, and slipped Earnesto’s pistol into my pocket. I directed the taxi to take me to the cantina where Rafael said Cruz de la Cruz spent his evenings.

    * * *

    THE Hispanic next to me wore a braided leather necklace with an attached cameo of Jesus Malverde. I could see the outline of what I supposed was a shoulder holster beneath his linen jacket. He chugged down a Corona, then laid a gold cocaine spoon on the bar’s countertop. On the spoon’s handle was a nude figurine of a crucified woman. Her eyes and mouth were slightly open and her head was bent forward so that her long hair fell across her face. The man studied the spoon a moment, then tapped it twice with his fingertips. He smiled, then slipped the spoon back into his shirt pocket. buy albion gold He signaled the bartender to bring each of us another beer. “Gracias,” I said. “De nada. But it is no necessary to speak Spanish. I speakeh perfect Englis.” “I can see that. You have a beautiful city.” “Ah, you are a tourista. To you Americanos, any foreign city is beautiful. It is, come se dice, ‘exotic’? Where are you from in America, my friend?” “Dallas, Texas. And you? Where are you from in Mexico?” “From the mountains of Durango, the land of the white scorpion.” “The white scorpion, rare and deadly,” I said. cheap albion gold “Is good you know of such things.” “Yeah, I guess.” In the background I could hear a corrido about some Sinaloan mountain hick. I listened carefully to the words: They say this man is very bad, Señores, I don’t believe it, Because he is legendary and valiant, Because of this they are scared of him, But at the bottom of his soul, He is a sincere friend. “I don’t need a friend like that,” I muttered as the song ended. “What?” he said. “You do not like the ballad?” “Sorry. Just thinking aloud.” Two men entered the restaurant and he stood up. “You must excuse me. My boss has arrived. You know of him?” I glanced at the mirror and recognized one of the two as Cruz de la Cruz. “No,” I said. With my right hand, I reached into the pocket of my trousers and wrapped my fingers around the handle of the five shot Smith and Wesson .38 revolver. He patted me on the back. “Is good. Is best this way.” He signaled the bartender to bring me another beer, threw a hundred-dollar bill on the bar, walked to the pair, and kissed the hand of Cruz de la Cruz. I sipped my beer and watched as people in the cantina acknowledged Cruz de la Cruz with smiles and handshakes. Cruz de la Cruz motioned one old man over, pulled several folded Franklins from his pocket and handed the wad of bills to him. The man wept when Cruz de la Cruz embraced him. Cruz de la Cruz pointed at a table and he and his men sat down. Nothing to it, I told myself. Three men. You have five shots in the pistol. Don’t miss. Do it and then haul ass. I drained the beer and walked over to their table. The man I had talked with at the bar was sitting next to Cruz de la Cruz. “¿Que quieres, Americano?” “I want to speak to Señor Tonto.” I pointed to Cruz de la Cruz. “¿Mande?” He frowned, so I knew he understood me. His eyes shifted to Cruz de la Cruz. I yanked the pistol from my pocket, pointed at the head of de la Cruz, and pulled the trigger. The hammer snapped loudly on the defective shell. “Shit!” I said and pulled the trigger again. Snap. The bullets from their guns plowed into my chest, pushing and whirling me back from the table. I heard screaming and shouting as my back and head slammed against the tile floor. I stared at the swirling decoupage of faces above me until my eyes settled on Jimmy and Shelby. Next to my brother stood Catrina. She smiled sadly and held out her hand.

    “Washington Island” by Jeff Talmadge: Chords and Lyrics

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    At the Jackson Celtic Festival This Weekend

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    Victorian Parlour Games, Giallo Films, and Sarah Slean

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    Biscuits & Blues: A song for my next CD

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    Avalon Revisted by O.M. Grey: A Short Review

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    A Meteor Shining Brightly: Essays on Maj. Gen. Patrick R. Cleburne

    On Saturday, March 26, 2011, I’ll be presenting stories and songs in Cleburne, Texas at the General Pat Cleburne Birthday Party/ Scottish Festival & Heritage Celebration 9:00 AM – 5:00 PM You can find a description of the event here: Recently, I completed reading A Meteor Shining Brightly: Essays on Maj. Gen. Patrick R. Sacramento Kings Cleburne, edited by Mauriel Phillips Joslyn with a foreword by Wiley Sword (Terrell House Pub). Joslyn’s book was award Georgia Author of the Year in Creative Nonfiction and Best Biography in 1998. The collection of essays and photographs on Cleburne is illuminating and fascinating to any student of America’s Civil War. The eleven essays reveal the story of one of the most respected and successful generals of the Confederacy, one known as “The Stonewall of the West.” We see Cleburne from his birth and early life in Ireland, to his career in the British military, to his immigration to Arkansas, and to his final days in the Confederate Army, rising from private to Brigadier General. nike air max pas cher It relates his heart-wrenching engagement to Susan Tarleton from Mobile, and describes numerous anecdotes that illustrate the love and respect he held from his peers and his soldiers. I found this a touching Irishman’s story. He was a man whose early years were spent in some of the most troubled in Ireland’s history. fjallraven kanken mini (enfants) 7 L In America, he was a man of principle, and an early advocate of the emancipation of slaves and their use in the Army. Brooklyn Nets

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