When the Celtic performer Beth Patterson does a show, she uses humor effectively. She has a good repertoire of jokes, and she plays the crowd well. She also uses humorous songs. This past Saturday, the Enoch’s audience particularly liked “The Hand of the Almighty,” a song by I think, John R. Butler. You can find those lyrics here:  (Warning: The lyrics are quite bawdy! This is definitely a bar song, not one for children or family settings) http://www.lyricspy.com/166733/John_R__Butler_lyrics/Hand_Of_The_Almighty_lyrics.html

Another song that crowds love is Beth’s, “Darling, Please: The Uncut Version.” Here are the lyrics. I transcribed the words from Beth’s CD. (If I made any transcription mistakes, please pardon.)

Darling Please by Beth Patterson

Darling, please come and sit down beside me,
You know how long we’ve been together,
Lately I’ve been thinking
About what I really want
And it’s something that would last us forever

Everywhere I turn, I see women with strollers
They’ve got tiny bundles from heaven galore
They’re lives are now complete
With the patter of little feet,
It’s an issue I can no longer ignore

CHORUS:
Oh Darling, please,
Would you do one thing for me?
I’m tired of always thinking about fertility,
As the ultimate gesture of complete gallantry,
Darling, please get that vasectomy.

Every morning, I can hear little kids screaming
In the restaurant, always one that kicks my chair,
Sometimes a little angel nearly knocks down my mike
After sticking wads of bubble gum in my hair.

Well, I know you’re protective
Of your Big Jim and the twins,
But it takes a real man to wear such a scar
Your sperm count would be zero,
But you’d always be my hero,
And you’d have something to show
Your friends at the bar.

CHORUS:
Oh Darling, please,
Would you do one thing for me?
I’m tired of always thinking about fertility,
As the ultimate gesture of complete gallantry,
Darling, please get that vasectomy.
Darling, please, get that vasectomy.