Pam Tackett, the GT coordinator and teacher for Union Parish, sent me this list of funnies that her gifted students came up with. Some of them, after tweaking, might make good lines or topics for stories, maybe even a series. The student’s name who supplied the quotes and created the comments is Codi McAllister, a student of Ms. Tackett’s:
1. SAVE THE WHALES. COLLECT THE WHOLE SET.
No. Free them. They are not a collectors item.
2. A DAY WITHOUT SUNSHINE IS LIKE, NIGHT.
And a night without moonlight is like, dark.
3. ON THE OTHER HAND, YOU HAVE DIFFERENT FINGERS.
As on the other foot, you have different toes.
4. I JUST GOT LOST IN THOUGHT. IT WASN’T FAMILIAR TERRITORY.
I told you not to let your mind wander, it’s too small to be out on its own.
5. 42.7 PERCENT OF ALL STATISTICS ARE MADE UP ON THE SPOT.
Only 53.6 people just got that.
6. 99 PERCENT OF LAWYERS GIVE THE REST A BAD NAME.
That last 1% doesn’t exist.
7. I FEEL LIKE I’M DIAGONALLY PARKED IN A PARALLEL UNIVERSE.
It’s better than a perpendicular intersection…
8. HONK IF YOU LOVE PEACE AND QUIET.
BEEP!
9. REMEMBER, HALF THE PEOPLE YOU KNOW ARE BELOW AVERAGE.
The other half are not.
10. HE WHO LAUGHS LAST, THINKS SLOWEST.
Remember that Dustin…
11. DEPRESSION IS MERELY ANGER WITHOUT ENTHUSIASM.
And being angry at someone that’s depressed makes you a cheerleader of sorts….
12. THE EARLY BIRD MAY GET THE WORM, BUT THE SECOND MOUSE GETS THE CHEESE.
If you’re a bird, be an early bird. If you’re a worm, sleep late.
13. I DRIVE WAY TOO FAST TO WORRY ABOUT CHOLESTEROL.
That is why they make cereal bars.
14. SUPPORT BACTERIA. THEY’RE THE ONLY CULTURE SOME PEOPLE HAVE.
FREE THE WHALES!
15. MONDAY IS AN AWFUL WAY TO SPEND 1/7 OF YOUR WEEK.
We should omit it.
16. A CLEAR CONSCIENCE IS USUALLY THE SIGN OF A BAD MEMORY.
A guilty conscience isn’t neccissarily a good thing either.
17. CHANGE IS INEVITABLE, EXCEPT FROM VENDING MACHINES.
And credit cards
18. GET A NEW CAR FOR YOUR SPOUSE. IT’LL BE A GREAT TRADE!
Unless, of course, your spouse divorces you, and wins the car.
19. PLAN TO BE SPONTANEOUS TOMORROW.
Why not spontaneously plan to not be spontaneous?
20. ALWAYS TRY TO BE MODEST, AND BE PROUD OF IT!
OK! I’M MODEST!
21. IF YOU THINK NOBODY CARES, TRY MISSING A COUPLE OF PAYMENTS.
If you don’t get a call, try being depressed, then get someone angry at you.
22. HOW MANY OF YOU BELIEVE IN PSYCHO-KINESIS? RAISE MY HAND.
I already did.
23. OK, SO WHAT’S THE SPEED OF DARK?
87.4 % of that of light.
24. HOW DO YOU TELL WHEN YOU’RE OUT OF INVISIBLE INK?
The write-ee doesn’t understand your message. Could you understand ” Will you go to the da”
25. IF EVERYTHING SEEMS TO BE GOING WELL, YOU HAVE OBVIOUSLY OVERLOOKED SOMETHING.
Oh yeah…. you’re still here…
26. WHEN EVERYTHING IS COMING YOUR WAY, YOU’RE IN THE WRONG LANE.
If everything is running from you, take a bath.
27. HARD WORK PAYS OFF IN THE FUTURE. LAZINESS PAYS OFF NOW.
however, hard work hurts you now. Laziness hurts you in the future.
28. EVERYONE HAS A PHOTOGRAPHIC MEMORY. SOME JUST DO NOT HAVE FILM.
Others have no memory card.
29. IF BARBIE IS SO POPULAR, WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BUY HER FRIENDS?
Why do you think Barbie is so popular?
30. HOW MUCH DEEPER WOULD THE OCEAN BE WITHOUT SPONGES?
31.2 % of the water in the sponges wouldn’t be in the sponges.
31. EAGLES MAY SOAR, BUT WEASELS DO NOT GET SUCKED INTO JET ENGINES.
And platypuses are God’s sense of humor.
32. WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU GET SCARED HALF TO DEATH TWICE?
Sucks for you.
33. I USED TO HAVE AN OPEN MIND BUT MY BRAINS KEPT FALLING OUT.
Have you checked your pocket?
34. I COULDN’T REPAIR YOUR BRAKES, SO I MADE YOUR HORN LOUDER.
It’s people like you that ruin my peace and quiet! Hey look another bumper sticker. BEEP!
35. WHY DO PSYCHICS HAVE TO ASK YOU FOR YOUR NAME?
You’d know if you were psychic.
36. INSIDE EVERY OLDER PERSON IS A YOUNGER PERSON WONDERING WHAT
HAPPENED.
Yet inside every younger person is an older person thinking, ”what an idiot”
37. JUST REMEMBER – IF THE WORLD DID NOT SUCK, WE WOULD ALL FALL OFF.
Then, because the sun sucks, we’d all be pulled into a fiery death.
38. LIGHT TRAVELS FASTER THAN SOUND, WHICH IS WHY SOME PEOPLE APPEAR BRIGHT UNTIL YOU HEAR THEM SPEAK.
Except for deaf people.